E is for Excited OVER Easy.
One will feed your EGO and one will feed your SOUL.
(An excerpt from my upcoming book (get) OVER it.)
I don’t want to die because I am just so excited to live.
This is pretty much where I live most of my life nowadays.
Lemme tell you what though, MOST of my life has NOT been like this. At all.
So hear me when I say that my learned state was stressed, fearful, controlling and anything but excited.
I have had to teach myself how to find excitement and live excited, and that’s what this is all about that.
So for me, it wasn’t “responsible” to live excited.
There were too many other problems in the world… to many fears to run from, too much pain to feel, things to control, too much anger to avoid, too many expectations to live up to, too many opinions to measure up to that I just had no room for error.
I can even remember the first time my husband asked me: “What would make you excited?” and I literally, LITERALLY just about flew off the handle…
“How dare you…how immature… excitement can’t buy you stuff… I have too much to do to be excited… It is what it is, why even bother… These are the cards I was dealt, I just have to live with it… Excited? Ha. What a joke.”
Maybe you can relate.
We hunker down. We shut down. We put our nose to the grindstone and then we think it’s just gonna somehow get better. And we judge the people around us who live so “whimsically, joyfully, and without a care in the world”. Must be nice, right?!
Exactly. It IS nice.
We begin to think that living excited is for children. We believe that it’s ultimately “for someone else”. It’s not an emotion we’re comfortable with or it’s even foreign… and then we wonder why we’re not motivated, can’t make the changes we long for in our lives, why we struggle with depression, don’t take risks, and on and on and on.
If I could summarize it for you in this one thing (and then break it down for you), it’s this:
Living excited is a privilege. It’s your birth right. It’s an honor. And most importantly, it’s a choice!
Here’s why: Excited, by my definition, is the fuel for purpose and passion. If you want something done, sure you can feel a sense of purpose and passion but if you’re also not excited about accomplishing that thing or seeing it happen, it’ll get hard and you’ll bounce because maybe you even like the idea of that thing but you don’t embody the emotion of that accomplishment.
According to the dictionary, excited means “very enthusiastic and eager; of or in an energy that is higher than normal or ground state”.
Here’s why that’s important to know… energy is a BIG deal. Way more of a big deal than we give it credit for. Emotional intelligence is a BIG deal. Also, a much bigger deal than we give it credit for. Especiallyif you want to have thriving relationships, a great life, if you want to chase your dreams, know how to overcome obstacles and be your own hero in your own story, these things are paramount.
EXCITEMENT is the great motivator.
It’s the fuel.
Which means, it has to be created. A car doesn’t just fuel itself. It has to be fueled, over and over and over again. And that is ultimately your job (unless you live in Oregon and then someone else pumps your fuel… but that’s beside the point).
When you’re eager, you’re ready. When you’re ready, you’re convinced, better yet, convicted. When you’re convicted, you’re unstoppable. You’re already doing it in your mind. When you’ve got energy to then support it that is at a heightened state, also called ENLIGHTENMENT, the things of yesterday don’t “rub” you like they used to… you’re not bogged down by judgments, fears, doubts and all the other grounded emotions we can often feel and see. When you are heightened to a different level, you still may see those things, but you won’t internalize them nor FEEL them nearly as much.
BUT, you’ve got to fuel yourself. It is an active participation in your own life.
Here’s where you have to start:
And this is rather deep so take a moment to consider and maybe come back for the rest…
What does NOT living excited give you?
You see, it’s giving you something OR you wouldn’t be doing it.
Lemme give you an example, for me, NOT living excited was at least giving me “control”. At least I could determine and feel familiar with all the survival emotions… anger, fear, frustration. It was giving me something that was mine. Something I could “depend on”.
You see, when we WANT to give something up or we recognize in our lives that it’s not serving us, we have to understand WHY we are holding onto it and the BENEFIT we are, in theory, receiving from it because as long as there is a benefit, even if it’s a negative one, there’s enough assurity and consistency there that we’ll do it. We’ll hang onto that sucker. So the first step is to acknowledge: What is NOT living excited giving me?
Once you have your answer, then you have to start wading the waters of rather unknown territory: “Ok, if I didn’t need that anymore (your reason for holding onto NOT having excitement), then I would be OPEN to BEING excited about a few things… what would those be?”
What would, could, possibly, even a little get you excited? What might, sort of, a tad bit light you up? What sparks interest? What gets you curious? What could make you feel joy?
Typically your answer to this will be a few things, items, and stuff but beyond that, it’ll be experiences and emotions and your greatest values (which we’ll get to at another time).
You’ll say things like:
I get excited about really connecting with people… like I love a deep conversation.
I get excited about serving the homeless, my community, my kids, hosting an amazing party for my friends.
I get excited about travel and trying something new for the first time.
I get excited when I feel good, when I nourish my body.
I get excited when I see and feel progress, personally and in business.
I get excited when I cross a literal finish line in a race or any accomplishment.
And on and on and on.
Most of these things now need to become your true north. I talk a lot about Visualization, which can be REALLY overplayed without understanding or valuing the true essence of it. Visualization is not just picturing all the stuff you want so you can manipulate and manifest it into your life, visualization is the key to breaking out of survival mode.
VISUALIZATION IS THE KEY TO BREAKING OUT OF SURVIVAL MODE.
We have gotten good at survival mode.
We appreciate the consistency of what we know… even if it’s not serving us. At least we know it and can depend on it.
So by living your dreams, pursuing a life of excitement, it’s so left field, we won’t do it and then we’ll shame, blame, guilt ourselves to death because of it.
Now that’s lovely.
Rather, instead of reasoning with yourself or trying to trick yourself or pretending, I want you to visualize. I want you to visualize the things that make you excited and then I want you to take the pressure off of the things and the stuff and the experience and I want you to watch YOU in the midst of it all. How do you feel? How do you show up? What are you doing? How do you sound? What emotions do you feel?
What you’re doing is you are creating SAFETY, SECURITY, and STABILITY in this visualizations so when the time comes to begin moving towards those visions and dreams and goals, you’ve been there 1,000,000 times already. You’ve seen yourself there, you find safety there, you feel rather secure in your own skin and now the act of doing it isn’t so out of body or incongruent with past behaviors.
It’s liberation at its finest. This is KEY.
Here’s why living excited is important:
I hear all the time, “I lack motivation… I want to but… I would but…”
And I see so many people going through life, going through the motions, avoiding the questions or maybe asking the questions but avoiding the answers… AND, the only way through it is OVER it, which means you HAVE TO experience it.
You lack motivation not because something is wrong with you but because you’re not excited.
You won’t change not because you’re lazy but because you’re not excited about it (enough).
You would IF you wanted it enough.
So stop being so hard on yourself or beating yourself up when you also hold the exact answer that could bring the freedom and the result you crave.
Once you visualize what you want, and you start to feel committed to that, even convicted by that (MY FAVORITE TOPIC TO TALK ABOUT), you’re going to have to begin to learn how to “leverage the end game”. What I mean by that is this: when you’re visualizing, you’re seeing most of the end game and the results you crave. If we could create a “there”, this would be it… cuz in this picture, it’s YOU doing, being, having all the things that you’re excited about so in theory, it’s the “end game”. What I’m going to need you to learn how to do in your day to day life, on the way to the accomplishment of those goals, is to be very aware that it won’t be easy. I’ll say it again:
IT WON’T BE EASY.
And there will be days you don’t FEEL like it.
There will be days you don’t WANT to cuz you’re ego is talking so loud and so hard.
There will be days you’ll want to run and hide, “go back to the way it was”.
You feel confused, triggered, frustrated… it will take longer or have unnecessary detours…
All of it, shit is possible.
I love Mark Manson who says “pick your shit sandwich”. Which means, don’t just pick your dream, actively and consciously pick the shit associated with the dream and choose that as actively and consciously as possible NOT because you’re trying to manifest the bad but because you’re telling yourself, not only is this the GOOD I choose but this is also the HARD I choose so when it the hard comes (cuz it will), you remind yourself: This is not happening to me. I choose this. I don’t resist you. I feel you but it’s ok. We will get through this.
THIS is where the leverage kicks in baby. Cuz you’re going to hit these road blocks, hard days, unplanned events and you’ve got to consider the end game. You have to ask yourself, do I want to tap out in this moment or is the end game/end result more important to me? That way, in every moment, in every situation, YOU HAVE CHOICE.
And I think that that’s really FREEDOM. It’s choice. It’s “in this moment that feels like it’s happening to me and I’m losing control and fear the outcome, now I can get back into the driver’s seat and make this decision… what do I want, do I want what’s easy or do I want the end game/that which excites me?!” and BOOM, just like that, the choice is yours. And in theory, maybe even over time, with enough practice, we’ll choose Excited OVER Easy every time.
Bottom line, excited IS effective (especially for all my left-brainers and tactical thinkers).
By definition “effective” means successful in producing a desired or intended result. EXACTLY what we were just talking about. And for most, the ACTUAL result we are looking for is found NOT on the path of least resistance but rather on the one that brings with it tension, resistance, and even yes “hard”.
If we are looking always for the easy way, the easy buck, the easy relationship, the easy career, we will be sorely disappointed with the results. Why? Because though we may be comfortable (or so we think) in route, the destination is a mirage because what we really want are new, different, next level results and those NEVER, EVER come easy.
For most, we witness the results everyday of other people’s lives on social media and on tv and in the news. We see the million dollars and million subscribers and the success and we think “instant”, “now”, “easy”. But what’s guaranteed behind every single one of those epic success stories is not easy.
In order to lean into effective excitement, I highly encourage you to not write a single more to do list. That’s right. Don’t even entertain it for awhile. Instead, I want you to wake up each morning or first thing when you sit down at your desk to work or before your kids get up or before you step foot in the gym, I want you to ask yourself:
WHAT IS THE GREATEST RESULT I AM AFTER HERE?
WHAT IS THE GREATEST RESULT I INTEND TO FOCUS ON TODAY?
WHAT EXCITES ME MOST ABOUT THAT? AND WHY DOES THAT EXCITE ME?
WHAT DREAM AM I CHOOSING? WHAT “SHIT” AM I CHOOSING?
Maybe it’s “sell 5 deals” or “lose 50 pounds” or “play present” with my kids. Maybe it’s to “finish a chapter in my book” or to “find a new job”… it doesn’t even matter what it is, but if it excites you, lean in!!!
1. Acknowledge what you get out of NOT living excited.
2. Identify the things that DO make you excited or could make you excited.
3. Visualize those things but more importantly, you in the midst of all of those things.
4. Leverage the end game. Ask yourself: when it gets hard to pursue those things or those dreams and/or I don’t always feel the emotions I want to feel, am I committed to the stuff/the feelings/the things or am I committed to the journey and the beautiful end game?